My joking/not joking singles ad

Posted: November 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

So I’ve been single for two days. I haven’t been single since I just turned 16, so I have to have some fun with it. Here’s my sarcastic yet true singles ad that I just created (created for my amusement only, and for your amusement):

I’m 5’6 or 5’7, 128 pounds

I’m a bit abnormal in regards to female habits

For example

I’ve never had anything pierced, including my ears

Don’t paint my fingernails, or toenails

I own one dress, which I wore once

The way I do my hair is I brush it and dry it

To change things up I might part it slightly more to the left or right

I do like having a tan, but only a real one

I rarely talk on the phone

And I don’t really do drama

Shopping often makes me angry

I can juggle at a mid-beginner level

But I don’t dance, at all

Most of the time I’m content to be by myself

I didn’t go to my high school prom and I never regretted it

I have no desire for an audience at a wedding

Honestly I don’t really desire a wedding at all, and I never have

I don’t think I believe in destiny

And I know that anyone I know can one day become a stranger

Maybe with the exception of family

Oh and I love bowling

  1. Katie Yeager says:

    You need to add:

    I like beer and new places, and generally things that are fun.

    I’m going to be the coolest old lady ever, in 40 years or so.

    I grew up on farm.

    I don’t eat red meat, and I can’t really tell you why anymore.

    If you date me, you can come visit my Dad’s gated community and ride around on a golf cart, which is surprisingly more fun than a car.

    If you happen to have a 7 year old who struggles with reading, I can help.

    I look just like an old Victoria’s Secret model from 2009.

    I’m so important that I’ve been sued for $10,000 before.

    I’m pretty much immortal and have absolutely no vices. I don’t drink caffeine or alcohol in excess, I don’t smoke, I don’t create unnecessary drama, I don’t eat too much, etc. etc. It’s weird.

    See how much you left out? You sell yourself short!

  2. mdeducator81 says:

    I don’t think I want to entice people with 7-yr-olds to date me. I need to find a photo of the Victoria’s Secret model. Maybe mom can photoshop my picture with her picture, and then I’ll look awesome.

    • Katie Yeager says:

      I looked so hard for that damn model on their website … she was there last year. Now she’s gone. I’m sure she’s floating around out there somewhere. She really does look exactly like you.

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